What I’m Doing…and stuff…

I’ve been out of the blog world a bit these days. It’s been unintentional…I just feel like I haven’t really had that much to say. I’m in a weird place–strangely.  I don’t know what to say about it actually. So here’s life right now–in some small dim snapshot.

Bummers

* Impending financial ruin

* The continued recognition of the END of a community that I spent a decade pouring my energies into creating and continuing.      The exhausting realization that many of the people who I dedicated much of my life to, will simply not remember me fondly–and God THAT HURTS.

*Needing faith for the same reason that it’s hard to find (thanks for the words JR)

*watching things that should inspire and give hope–current religious movements etc–follow the same pattern as other movements…and not being surprised or even disappointed–but still wondering if there is anything that transcends humanities arching cycles.

*Bored out of my mind in my current job in a job market that is “in a midlife crisis” (but thankful to have a job)

*bla bla blah…

Huzzah’s

* Reinvention possibilities–it looks like we may very well be moving to Portland, SE, to be closer to many of our great friends who have serendipitously cropped up within the last year.

*Helping organize and then even performing again at HOMESPUN SUMMER CONCERTS, together with friends

*The little network of stragglers, adventing adventurers, refugees who have somehow gathered…not towards any specific end–but rather locked in a mutual recognition of the places that we have been and where we are, this is truly refreshing.

*Our vegetable garden

*Rediscovering music, my passion for writing and performing it.

*Seeing myself for myself and being ok with who that is–in my worst…i don’t know if i’ve ever been quite so honest with myself or quite so accepting.

*Enjoying our two wonderful boys Ransom and Judah.

*Pursuing my Master’s degree in something related to systemic thinking, strategic foresight, community development and organizational psychology.

*Discovering music that I never had but probably should have…such as Josh Ritter:

God Really Works

Here’s my spin on a story I heard today from a student at the college I work at:

“Let me tell you about how amazing God is!  I have never experienced God’s grace or love so strongly…  Last year two of us at the company I work for were up for the same promotion.  He wasn’t as qualified as I was. I had been with the company longer–and he was in a lesser job.  But God moved…and HE GOT THE JOB (…praise the Lord, praise the Lord...) I was so excited for him–to see God work on his behalf was just awesome.  Well a year goes by and they actually rolled me over into his old job!  I got a demotion–even though I was performing excellently. Isn’t that phenomenal? (oh yes…I see the hand of God).  But wait…it gets better…  With the economy being what it is–and with all the changes around our company–they just did a round of layoffs.  Guess who gets laid off?!?!?!?!  That’s right!  I DO!!!  They eleminated his old job!  Imagine–if I would have got that promotion instead of him then he would have been laid off.  Isn’t it wonderful how God works on behalf of those he loves?  (amen. amen)  So, now I’m facing financial ruin. I can’t afford my massive mortgage payment. I can no longer afford to take my wife out on our weekly date nights. We can’t even afford frozen pizza!  Thank God right?!?!?! (yes brother! yes!).  Needless to say, I’m praising God on behalf of that fella who got the job instead of me.  Thank God He really does answer prayers.”

To part a curtain

My continuing passion is to part a curtain, that invisible shadow that falls between people, the veil of indifference to each other’s presence, each other’s wonder, each other’s plight.

–Eudora Welty

This passion continues to emerge out of the history that was the last ten years of our life.  There are so many things to sift through–part of the last year and a half have simply been just that.  What to discard? What to keep? What came to define me at an internal or core level? What was merely surface accomodation? 

Yet this one element–the co-inspiration leading towards co-creation, and,  even more optimistically, towards co-evolution, is brought back to the surface.  How or where that will apply itself, I am still navigating.

Cocorosie–Werewolf

Many of you may already be familiar with cocorosie (pronounced Coco-Rosie), the sister’s hip-hop/ Bjork at the Opera band rated as one of the 20 most influential artists of the last decade.  However, if you’re not…consider their music.  it’s evocative, emotive, and chalk full of insightful and intuitive lyrics.  This one, Werewolf, deals with much of their past, an abusive father, etc…  I think it’s brilliant. I can’t stop listening to it.

Check it:

Embarrassed

Shortly before one of my favorite bands, Radiohead, released one of my favorite albums, KID A, I remember reading an interview with their lead singer, Thom Yorke in Rolling Stone.  He previewed the albums stark contrast with their previous work.  As the interview progressed it became apparent that many of the signature Radiohead sounds would be missing on this album.  Chiefly, Yorke pointed out, gone were the guitars–or at least guitars that sounded like guitars.  The interviewer pushed to know why the band felt the need to make such a drastic departure.  Why ditch the guitars he asked.  The Radiohead frontman made a comment I’ve never really been able to forget the gist of:  ”I guess all of us just hit this point where we’ve become embarrassed that we play them. We need other sounds. Sounds that we’re not embarrassed of. I mean, everybody can play the guitar.”

What struck me at the time is that the boys of Radiohead weren’t just any old guitar players. They were innovative, deeply creative, and technically brilliant.  If anyone had a right to KEEP playing guitar, it was them.  But somehow the baggage of those shitty bands around them, the Radiohead wanna-be’s, the knock-off’s, the un-artful imitations made them hit the wall.  Not only that, but also they felt they had taken guitar playing as far as they could while still being inspired.  It was time to set aside the thing that had defined them and they had also, in part, helped define.

The album that came out of that, KID A, was incredible, and it was, as the interview had promised, devoid of anything that sounded like a guitar.  They managed to reinvent themselves and did so beautifully.

Last year, and several albums later, they came out with the latest and greatest–an incredible work called “In Rainbows.”  Interestingly, the guitars were back.  It wasn’t exactly the original “Brit-pop” sound they had help pioneer.  But there were actual hooks and recognizable riffs.  Fans were happy, and so was the band.  Stepping away from the thing that they simultaneously loved and were embarrassed by, gave them license some time later to return and fall in love again.

Sometimes the sounds that we are familiar with–that we have given ourselves to completely–lose their luster.  Either we find ourselves no longer inspired by them or others have polluted the well we’ve drank from.  It seems, somehow, cheapened.  And we are embarrassed of those sounds.  We need to put them down for a time and simply hear or play with other melodies, other symphonic expressions.  But all in order to fall in love again…

And I wonder if this is happening…somehow, somewhere in me…is this the process I’m in?  Am I learning new languages so to embrace my mother-tongue more fully later on?  There are clearly no guarantees, I’m sure of that.  But perhaps…I suppose time will tell. Until then, I’m not so concerned with the sound making instrument–simply that I make sound at all…I hope that the music is still great.

One Red Thread

Since last November when my buddy Kevin, who was living with us at the time, introduced me to them, I’ve been coming back to the sounds of Blind Pilot.  Both in terms of sound and lyrically as well, they articulate so many of the elements that have come to crystalize my year so far.  And I love the fact that they’re from Portland!  Having said that–here’s a clip of them playing “One Red Thread” on Carson Daily’s Late Night Show. Enjoy…and consider picking up they’re album if you like what you hear.

Rumi, Movement, and Leaving my car a mystery

This morning I was listening to Speaking of Faith with Krista Tippetts. This particular show was on the Sufi poet and teacher, Rumi.  The guest quoted Rumi as having said something beautiful connected to the dance of the Dervishes, and it connects to several other thoughts I’ve been having lately. 

If you don’t plow the Earth it becomes hard and nothing will grow on it.  Just plow the earth of yourself–get moving. Don’t ask exactly what will happen—simply begin to move and see what comes of it.

Similarly, though in another vein, I remember someone saying something along the lines of keeping their car a mystery.  When asked for further clarification he said, ” If I take my car apart I’ll probably understand it better, but it just won’t drive any more.” 

This twin sense of simply beginning to move, to spin in circles, to plow the other, to resist taking the car apart, seems noteworthy this morning. 

Who do I say I love when I love my God…a promise…a call…a mystery…a Love and a Lover… and these are the things I myself become as I join that dance.

Thoughts from the Hassadim…

God is both Person and Nonperson for the Hasid. God becomes Person by assuming intellect and emotions in order to become known to man. However, that is NOT God per say, but an emmanation of God.  God is Absolute and unrelating Infinite (Ain Sof) before the contradiction of God’s Light, or what is known. God’s Light is and is not identical with Ain Sof, just as the sunlight is and is not identical with the Sun. In the lower worlds, in “creation” God’s Presence is Shekhinah. Shekhinah is personified as the Divine Spouce, our Divine Mother, who is in exile. The Shekhinah is held prisoner in innumerable little sparks, awaiting redemption in our hands….–Wrapped in Holy Flames: Teachings of the Hasidic Masters

Sons and Daughters of Hungry Ghosts

Another Wolf Parade song. I’ve really been enjoying both their styling’s and their lyrics.
One of the best lines for me in this song is:

To block out the view, I gotta get
New bell to ring
New song to sing
A steady hand to ring
A readiness of things I do
I gotta get a new plan to bring to the people
People I can trick them into thinking anything
Oh rust it just right in the light
It’s gold, it’s gold

Language City

Really digging this song today for some reason!